Local Man Making Fewer Online Threats

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SAN BERNADINO, CA – Blaming his new job and other social obligations, local internet user Jerod Franklin said he no longer has the time or energy to post as many violent threats per day as he did six months ago.

“I use ta get up, around, like, 11 (am) and I’d turn on my computer and see something on like, Reddit or a gamer site, or another site, and I’d feel obligated ta threaten the author or… ya know, anyone on the thing I was looking at,” said Franklin. “Last year I was able ta make a good 70 ta 80 threats a day but now, shit, I guess I’m always at work or ya know, goin’ out ta do stuff. I’m lucky if I get in one or two threats ta drive ta a blogger’s house and murder their entire family a week.”

Franklin’s last posted a threat under his username MurderRapeYourFace last Thursday.

“Work has been getting’ in the way of my making threats, for sure,” said Franklin. “I like my job at the helpdesk. It’s cool. And there is this girl that works in Customer Service that is really cute and super nice. But I can’t really post threats at work, my boss told me that my first day, and then when I get home I’ve got stuff I need ta do or I might go out and meet some people from work or, ya know, play Fallout online. It’s… it’s just hard to threaten people like I use ta. It sucks but maybe I’ll try ta get online and threaten to stand outside some chick’s house and smear the word ‘whore’ in pigs blood on her front door this weekend. Oh shit! I can’t this weekend, I have to go up to Fry’s to pick up some shit for work and then we are going ta get buffalo wings at BeeDubs. Shit, I don’t know.”

While Franklin has seen a decline in his ability and desire to post threats online, he is optimistic that some of his “friends” online will make up the difference.

“Ya know things go, when one person drops off there are several there ta pick up the slack,” Franklin said. “It’s like in comics, when Batman is gone ya got Robin, Batgirl, Nightwing or any number of others ta protect Gotham. Me, I’ve got ’StabYourThroat’ and ‘ImaKillYoFamily’ to pick up my slack. They’re good kids. Still a little green in the threat world but the stuff they are coming up with is fresh and new. Like the other day, I saw Ima post that he was going ta go ta Red Lobster, eat a shit ton of them cheddar biscuits and then stab the original poster in their ‘stupid fat face.’ I mean it’s the little details, the Red Lobster thing, that really sets it apart from what others are doing out there.”

Like almost every single threat made on the internet, Franklin never followed through or even intended to follow through with the threat.

“Who has that kind of time?” said Franklin. “Also, I usually didn’t even understand the issue or what was happening when I made a threat. I’d just see something posted online and think ‘I don’t see any threats on here yet so I should probably threaten ta murder this person’s children.’ The only time I was really mad is when I saw someone beat me ta making a threat. So I’d respond ta that threat with another threat. It’s the circle of life, you know?”

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