TARRYTOWN, NY – Administrators for Marymount College have begun to build the framework of a new curriculum which the school hopes will provide its students with a better understanding of woman’s role in modern society.
Beginning with the upcoming fall semester, classes such as Typing 201, Baby Rearing 114 and Serving The Man 321 will be offered, replacing “archaic” classes such as Math, Psychology and Marketing. New majors and minors will be added as well, encompassing some of these new classes.
“It’s our hope that students will finally graduate from Marymount College ready for the real world. We aren’t trying to sugarcoat anything anymore and we feel that today’s students appreciate that,” said Marymount President, Clara Lovell.
Rather than phase the changes in gradually, the administration states that because the classes to be replaced are “completely irrelevant,” dropping them completely and adding the new course will not effect the student body or their academic progress.
In addition to the courses, new graduate programs will be established in fields such as House Cleaning, Entertaining Your Husbands Boss and Shopping. The graduate program will offer both Masters and Doctoral degrees.
“We feel that our students are getting out in the real world and finding that they do not have the necessary skills that will allow them to catch a good husband and be the proper wife and mother. That’s why the divorce rate is so high you see,” said Lovell. “We are dedicated to giving our students the best education possible, and we feel that math and those other sexist subjects will not attract billionaire industrialists.”
Attendance at the school has fallen sharply over the past decade and with the new classes, school officials hope to lure prospective students away from other women’s colleges.
“I think this is a positive step for the College,” said student Angie Webber. “I mean when am I ever going to use Advanced Trigonometry? Never. But Advanced Husband Pleasing, that’s something that will give me the real world experience that I need. I’m sure the best thing about some of these classes will be the required lab work where we will get to actually use some of the things our professors teach us in lecture. That’s why I’m really excited about the new Oral Traditions class that I’ll be taking next semester.”
Women’s groups across the country have come out in support of the new system at Marymount.
“I really do think this is a step in the right direction. Finally women have a curriculum to call their own. No more living under a man’s shadow. This is best for women everywhere. I do however wish they would add a class on pot roast to round out the major,” said Eryn Kennedy, President of the National Organization for the Betterment of Woman Kind.