LOS ANGELES, CA – Holy freaking guacamole you guys! It has been, like, forever since I was last able to grace your eye holes with my everlasting words of wisdom! But never fear, for I, your style maven from New Haven, Beth Sinclair, am here to tell you everything that you need to know to be the hippest of the hope this Halloween!
Now you’re probably saying to yourself “Beth, Double You, Tee, Eff, where have you been since 2013? The Scoop has needed your unique brand of charm!” Well my little chitlins, things have been so cray-cray for me lately because I’ve been fulfilling my life long fantasy. No, not the one about getting double teamed by Andy Griffith and Ron Howard (airtight That would be amazeballs, btw, but no, I’ve been writing my memoirs! I know can you believe it? I can! JK, lol #blessed. I can’t tell you too much about the book so far, but chapter three is all about the biggest Hollywood wiener that I’ve ever seen? Whose is it? I guess you’ll have to wait till the book is published in the spring! (Shhhh, I’ll give you a hint, his name rhymes with Hennifer Dawrence!).
Since the book has taken up just about all off my free time, I haven’t been able to spread my gospel to all my little sheep. Well that’s about to change because if there’s one thing you all know about me is that I love, love, LOVE Halloween! When else can a gal like me dress up like a whore and be accepted anywhere? I mean I dress like that all the time but I can’t tell you how many churches I’ve been kicked out of! You would think they like their “alter boys” with no pants on!
Anyway, since you are all less amazing than I, I’m going to tell you all the hottest costumes for this year so that you can be the talk of every party you go to!
Extra Number 8 from the fifth episode of “Stranger Things”
Now if there is one thing that has taken me away from the tales of lewd behavior in my book, it’s the show “Stranger Things.” Holy crap in a Channel purse, that show scares the shit outta me! There are a lot of great characters to choose from for Halloween costume ideas but the standout in the first season of “Stranger Things” is Extra Number 8. Just about everyone will want to be Extra Number 8 from that one episode of “Stranger Things.”
Harley Quinn is going to be everywhere this Halloween, and why not? She. Is. AWESOME! Who wouldn’t want their precious six-year-old girl dressed as everyone’s favorite hyper-violent, psychotic, almost naked, woman who uses sex as a weapon? I mean, if that’s the case you could always just dress up like me! Winking emoji!
For the 72nd year in a row, naked person is one of the hottest Halloween Costumes. I’ve gone too many a party dressed as a naked person (some of them have even been Halloween parties!) And the costume is always a hit. Just know that to really do the costume justice, you should actually be naked!
This one is particularly hot with white, suburban teens and brown face paint is selling like hot cakes. Everybody put your hands where my eyes can see, and dress up in your finest monochrome track suit and be Dangerous!. Get it? Those are two of his songs! Anyway, thus costume is going to be very popular.
The Hadron Collider
Before last week I didn’t even know what the Hadron Collider was! I thought it was a boy named Hadron that wanted to collide with my atom, if you knew what I mean! Boy was I surprised when I found out the truth! That’s why I think this is going to be one of the all time great Halloween costumes. Just put a ring around your naughty bits (ie. your pee pee or vajay Jay) and collide all night long!
Brad Roberts, lead singer of Crash Test Dummies
Remember them? Yet another music themed costume this year. Get your self a sexy flannel shirt. A sexy long hairdo, and a super sexy deep voice and rock out with your proverbial cock out! Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmmm!
A bag of sticks
This one I don’t really get but my friend Marcy says that this costume is going to be huge this year. She said to me “Beth, just look around. There are so many gay people around that on Halloween they’ll all just be a bunch of faggots!” So I guess that’s what a bunch of people are going to be this year!
Well kids, I know this was rather short but I’ve got to get back to the grind! I mean the chapter about me sucking off Milli Vanilli isn’t going to write itself! Till next time, toodles!