World Still Does Not Know Who Let the Dogs Out

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LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been 17 years since the question was first raised but investigators and the general public are still unsure who let the dogs out.

“I remember exactly where I was when I noticed that the dogs were out,” said Stacy Ritter. “I was sitting in my class, I think I was in fifth grade, and I was staring out the window and I noticed there was a pack of dogs running through the playground. I specifically remember asking myself ‘I wonder who let those dogs out.’ I have literally been wondering who let those dogs out ever since. Literally. The worst thing about it though, is we still don’t know. I’m not sure we ever will. That makes me sad.”

In early 2000 the world noticed that the dogs were out and yet few, if anyone, knew who had let the dogs out. Despite the chaos that ensued, no one has stepped forward to claim responsibility.

The event was later famously captured in the hit song “Who Let the Dogs Out?” by Baha Men.

“We, as musicians, have a responsibility to document the world around us,” said Baha Men singer Rik Carey. “The dogs were out. Everyone could see that and yet no one, no one, knew who had let them out. The world was asking and no one was answering. It was our duty as musicians, as activists, to help get answers. Someone had let the dogs out and we, all of us, demanded to know who. Who let the dogs out? Arf. Arf arf arf arf!”

According to estimates made by the Department of Animals Who are Gone (DAWG), in 2000, nearly 790,000 dogs were out around the world.

“I’m not sure how those estimates were put together, I didn’t work for DAWG at that time but I can guess that someone went outside, looked and saw how many dogs were out and multiplied that number by 790,000,” said DAWG Director, Gabriel Morris. “That is very similar to how census numbers are calculated.”

DAWG Investigators assigned to the case spent several years tracking down those responsible for letting the dogs out but the investigation ended without a clear indication.

“We asked around but just got the same answer over and over again,” said DAWG Investigator Tina Trillium. “No one knew who let out all the dogs. I’m sorry, I mean no one knew who let the dogs out. Most people acknowledged that there were a large number of dogs out but no one, even those who’s dogs were out, knew anything about who had let those dogs out. It was a very difficult case. My most difficult. After seven years out investigating and getting absolutely nowhere, we finally pulled the plug on the investigation and sent the file over to the FBI so they could file it in their X-files. Those really exist you know. There is no Mulder and Skully, but there are X-Files. In fact there is one X-file about this chubby, orange troll-like demon with a thirst for power that tries to take over the United States… I’ve, I’ve said too much. Forget what I just said. Forget it if you know what’s good for you.”

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