PTA President Denies Russian Interference in Election

0 Comments

ANN ARBOR, MI – The president of the Ann Arbor School District Parent Teacher Association is denying allegations that Russia influenced recent PTA elections.

“The idea that Russia had any impact on the recent election and my PTA President victory is… fake. Fake news!” said PTA President Sherry Blaine. “People are mad that I won and now they are blaming Russia, instead of themselves. Just because my very good and longtime friend Dimitri Fetisov helped with my campaign and also a bunch of news stories about my opponent showed up on www.russiaptavote.ru – none of that means anything. But hey, that Putin is a great guy, though, huh?”

Several members of the PTA have accused Blaine of working with Russian officials to sway the recent PTA elections.

“There’s just something funny going on with the whole thing,” said Mike Edwards, PTA member. “We don’t have a huge Russian population around here, yet when you look at the votes, you see a lot of Alexi’s and Sergei’s voting. Now I’m not trying to be racist, but seriously, that’s a lot of Russians suddenly voting in our election. Also, there are only 200 parents here and there were 4,153 votes cast. That’s kinda weird.”

Since the PTA elections Blaine has instituted a number of new policies that opponents say are directly beneficial to Russia.

“I know how it looked when I lifted the ban on exchange students from Russia, but that has more to do with the fact that I love Russian food than anything else,” Blaine said. “I mean have you had Borsch? Holy shit is it good. So is it a crime that I want someone in our school who can make it? I don’t think so. And making Putin’s Great Russia a required course for all students isn’t a big deal. Also, making it ok to send school district purchased technology to Russia is something we’ve been talking about doing, as a community, for years. But hey, That Putin is real good leader isn’t he?”

Russian officials deny any involvement in the PTA election and maintain that any connection between Blaine and Russia is circumstantial.

“Ve have no record of ze tampering, so at zis time ve must deny all allegations,” Fetisov said. “President Putin, vile he congratulates (Blaine) on her overvelming victory, has no responsibility in this decision.”

Proof of Russia’s interference in the election has not been made public but PTA members reviewing the issue say they are close to providing evidence to the PTA.

“We are within weeks of reviewing the 15 documents on the election and we feel confident that at that time, or within the next seven months, we will be able to make a final decision,” Edwards said. “I would like to just come out and say that (Blaine) is guilty, because we all know she is, but we have to do our due diligence here. Despite the fact that she is redder than a whore in church. Is that an analogy that’s still used? Well whatever, that bitch is a stinking commie. Are Russians still commies?”

Many students in the Ann Arbor School District say the Russia interference allegations have had no effect on them.

“What’s Russia?” said Greyline High School senior, Noah Crettoa. “Is that a Reddit thing?”

Comments

Name:
Email:
Comment:
Note: You must preview your comment first and then submit your comment. This is to trick the spambots.
Textile Help
 

Back to Top