WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has sent an official request to the Chinese government asking for a meeting with General Tso to discuss the General’s chicken.
“I told China, let me talk to this General Tso guy. I want to talk to him about his chicken. It’s very good chicken and I’d like to talk to him. That’s what I told China. I’m very good at telling China things,” said Trump. “General Tso, he knows how to make good chicken. Have you had his chicken? It’s very good. I only eat things that are very good and this was very good.”
Trump called for the meeting shortly after returning from his weekly weekend vacation where he was served General Tso’s Chicken during a dinner.
“I was at the very beautiful Mar-a-lago resort, which is the best resort in the world, and one of the Mexican cooks there made me this General Tso’s chicken and it was really great,” said Trump. “The chicken was so good that I am demanding that General Tso come to the U.S. so I can talk to him about his chicken. I may make a very big, really great medal to give him. I had the biggest electoral win since President… John something. I am very good at eating chicken. Maybe the best.”
Chinese officials were confused by the request and asked Trump for clarification. Trump responded to the request for clarification with a picture of a plate of General Tso’s chicken with the words “I like. I want to meet Genral So [sic]!!!” written in green crayon.
“China Government does not know General Tso and we do not know General Tso chicken. We assume this to be a joke and we will ignore this request,” said China’s Ambassador to the US, Jian Hanada. “China has made a note that America appears to be led by an imbecile and we will begin planning our invasion shortly.”
Foreign policy advisors to Trump suggested that he refrain from sending the request as the Chinese government may find the request offensive and General Tso has been dead for more than 130 years.
“The first thing you have to remember is that Trump is a stupid, stupid man. So when he shouted ‘I want to talk to General Tso’ we tried to let him know that person doesn’t exist, or at least no longer exists and that the Chinese government will probably be offended by the request,” said Trump advisor, Thomas St. John. “But he wouldn’t let it go. We scrambled to change the subject and get him focused on something else by putting on Fox News but it didn’t work. We even tried to tell him that Obama would have met with General Tso but… Trump is a dumb, stupid, man. God I hate my job.”
Despite continued pressure to the contrary, President Trump has vowed to not stop, or eat any other chicken, till his request has been met.