MEMPHIS, TN – An office Christmas party was ruined when an employee brought an expensive bottle of wine to a white elephant gift exchange.
“Every year. Every damn year some asshole brings a nice gift to the white elephant gift exchange and fucks everything up,” said Pfizer Accounting manager, Rhonda Barberro. “Whatthefuck you ‘spose to do with that when everyone else brought a damn Santa on the toilet ornament? People got real pissed.”
Last week the Accounting department at Pfizer held a Christmas party and employees were asked to bring a “funny little white elephant gift that cost under $20” for a gift exchange.
“(Pfizer) usually does a nice Christmas party for each team and suggest a white elephant gift exchange where everyone’s ‘spose to bring a dumb, funny little gift to exchange, you know, and we all try to have a good time but, you know, like someone will bring a really nice gift that everyone actually wants and then people get pissed because instead of the really nice thing they end up with a moose that poops candy or something and then, you know, the party just starts to turn in to people bitching about Hank,” said Pfizer Human Resources manager, James Prinely.
According to Barberro, shortly after it was unwrapped the wine caused employees to begin arguing and fighting.
“Once someone got the wine and people started fighting over it shit got crazy. People throwin’ shit. People pulling each other’s hair. And people shouting shit at each other,” said Barberro. “I bet it’s Ken that brought that wine. That fucker. I think he wants to get in Sarah’s panties and he tries to get her nice shit but is all sneaky about it and tries to do it at the Christmas party. If it ain’t Ken then it’s Heather. Heather just a bitch. I once caught here eating Jose’s lunch. I mean she probably thought it was ok because she’s had his dick in her mouth might as well also have his turkey san’wich, but that shit ain’t cool.”
Pfizer accounting employee Sarah Meddleston, opened the wrapped white elephant gift and revealed the bottle of Chardonnay that retails for $85.
“Yeah, I was thinking that the gift was like a giant fart in a bottle or something but it was like a really nice bottle of wine,” said Meddleston. “Then I was like, oh jeez, someone is gonna take this from me and then Fay took it from me and I got pissed so I just threw my cup of eggnog against the wall and told everyone ‘fuck this game, fuck you, fuck you Fay and fuck whoever brought that fuckin’ wine.’ I ended up having to go talk to HR about my yellin’ but it’s cool. They understood.”
Prinely said Pfizer may review the Christmas party policy to avoid future incidents.
“Look, if people are going to start a huge fight because they can’t or won’t follow the rules, you know, maybe we don’t have a party. Or… maybe we set up a trap to catch the person doing this. That might be good… we’ll get that sonofabitch,” said Prinely.