WASHINGTON, D.C. – Thousands of middle-aged white people have scheduled a protest next month in Washington, D.C. to bring focus to the diminishing value of their white privilege.
“The past couple years have seen a steady decline in our privilege. Our birthright privilege. The privilege we are due because we are, you know, white,” said protest organizer, Duncan Lemite. “And what’s worse is that when we do use our privilege, we get called out for it on the internet. It’s not fair! We want our full privilege back and we want the rest of the people to stop making us feel bad for it! And we want it now! Because we are white!”
According Sociologist Rene Fullur, over the last several years white privilege has been on a decline, in part, due to an increase of scrutiny and pushback on social media when white privilege has been exposed.
“All of a sudden people are now demanding that everyone be treated equally, even white people,” said Fullur. “That is terrifying to white people because they don’t want to be treated like non-white people. Can you imagine, assuming you are white, being pulled over because you are driving a nice car? Or being paid the same for the same job as everyone else? Or straight up not getting away with breaking the law? Can you imagine that? Horrifying.”
White Americans are now planning to gather in Washington D.C. to ask the government to protect their privilege and to prevent social media from shaming people who take advantage of that privilege.
“We are protesting to show America that we are white and we are privileged and we want to stay privileged. Really privileged. Not just sorta privileged. We want all the privilege back! All of it! Or we will… we’ll, um… protest more,” said Lemite. “Ten years ago, hell, even five years ago we could get away with literal murder but now… now people, especially on the internet, are demanding that we get treated just like everyone else. Bullshit!”
A number of high profile public shamings of white privilege spurred the protest organizers to act.
“Did you see what the internet did to that poor Connecticut kid? Total shame,” said white privilege supporter Justine Belle. “He was a good kid from a good family and just because he got drunk, hit his girlfriend, drove drunk and killed a family of seven doesn’t mean he should have to go to jail. And when the judge let him go with a warning everyone was so mad! It’s not fair. He should just have been able to go right back to school without anyone saying anything!”
While the Trump administration has been generous and supportive of white privilege, protesters are asking for protection and exposure of the use of white privilege.
“This is, in the purest essence, the reason that we all voted for Trump,” said Lemite. “During the campaign, he promised us all that he would bring us whites back into a position of respect, and he has done some amazing things to keep the darkies down, but it’s not enough! It’s never going to be enough! I blame Obama, because we all know it’s not the current administration, lord knows they are doing everything in their power to further our white privilege agenda, well, at least not poor white people agenda.”