Fans Start Petition to Make Titanic Ending Happier

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the film Titanic, long unhappy with the ending of the film, have launched a petition to have the ending of the film remade “so it’s happy”.

“We, the fans of this great movie, demand that the ending of the film be remade so that it’s happy and stuff and so that everyone lives because that’s how it should have ended,” states the petition.

The film is based on the real life sinking of the Titanic cruise ship after it struck an iceberg in the Atlantic Ocean in 1912.

In the film, the Titanic sinks and the male protagonist sacrifices himself to save his love interest.

Although the film is over 20-years-old, fans of the film launched an online petition to persuade filmmakers to redo the ending so the film has a happier ending. Among several other requests, the petition calls for the Titanic to “not sink” and for the two lead characters, Jack and Rose, to “live happily ever after.”

“When it came out I loved the film so much but I always felt that the ending could have been better,” said petition signee and Titanic fan Debra Meitz. “We spent so much of the film falling in love with all these people and then the boat just sinks and then Jack dies and, like, what kind of story is that? What kind of message is that to send to kids? ‘Don’t fall in love because they will die?’ So yeah, I think the people that made the film should just go back and fix the ending so the Titanic doesn’t sink and so that Jack lives.”

The petition was started by Maggie Gabriel after she recently watched the film with her 12-year-old daughter.

“We watched the film together one night for mommy daughter movie night and we were enjoying the movie so much and then that horrible scene where the boat sinks and then Jack dies!” said Gabriel. “That’s not how you make a movie! Everyone knows that good movies end with everything being happy and normal and love conquering all and husbands not having affairs while they are ‘working late’ even though I know he’s not working late and that he’s fucking Rachel and that I have to make excuses to our daughter about where her daddy is and why he is working all the time and he should be home with us and sitting there on the couch eating ice cream with us and watching movies and it should be family movie night not mommy and daughter movie night while daddy bangs his sales rep night.”

The film’s writer and director, James Cameron, responded to the fan petition by “ok.”

“I think remaking the film’s ending could work as long as we can also go back in time and also prevent the actual Titanic from sinking and oh, wait, we can’t,” said Titanic producer, Jon Landau. “Also, when the fuck did we have to start making films based on the ideas of a creatively inept public that wouldn’t know how to tell a compelling story if it was stapled to their forward.”

Based on the success of the Titanic petition, a similar petition has been launched to redo the ending of The Last Temptation of Christ.

To date, the Titanic petition has received more than 500,000 signatures.

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