White, Middle-aged Men Upset with Recent 500 Best Songs List

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A white, middle-aged man listens to music made in the 1960s.
A white, middle-aged man listens to music made in the 1960s.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Middle-aged, white men across the country are expressing their anger with an entertainment magazine’s recent list of the 500 best songs of all time.

“That list is bullshit!” stated a middle-aged, white man on Twitter.

The main points of contention with the list appears to be the inclusion of songs released after 1980 and non-white performers listed in the top 20.

“I’m not racist but how the hell is Aretha Franklin’s ‘Respect’ better than any song by The Beatles or Bob Dylan?” stated OldSkoolKool6969 on Reddit. “I’m not racist but all the other music fans I know all agree that The Beatles, or maybe the (Rolling) Stones, are the greatest bands ever so how do they not have the best song? It doesn’t make sense. And yes, I realize everyone I know is white but still.”

“Everyone knows that music stopped being good in 1999, coincidentally the year I graduated college, so how could there be any songs post 2000 on that list?” stated Dan Gabriel in the comments section of the 500 best songs of all times article. “Songs released in the last 20 years haven’t had enough time to be good. How can you say that a song I haven’t heard is better than one I’ve heard a million times? That’s just the most idiotic statement that has ever been stated.”

According to the entertainment magazine editors, the writing staff suspected the new list of the 500 best songs of all time would be controversial among white, middle-aged men.

“For some reason white, middle-aged dudes think they are the only ones that really understand music,” said Editor, Pete Domini. “I get it, you grew up listening to Jethro Tull and The Beach Boys, but come on? Can you really say that anything either of those bands has done is better than ‘Hey Ya!’ by Outkast? I can’t. Let’s face it. Yes, a lot of older bands have some good music but to say that no one has made a good song in the last 30 years is just asinine. And just because a band has some good songs doesn’t mean that they qualify for all the ‘best of’ lists. Yes, I’m looking at you Pink Floyd.”

In response to the entertainment magazine’s new list of the 500 best songs of all time, middle-aged, white people have pledged to continue to complain about it and continue to reject that idea that people from various ages, backgrounds, ethnicity, and experiences have a right to say what music they think is “the best.”

“The golden age of music was from 1953 – 1976, that’s it.” said article commenter, Willy Blissking. “Everyone knows this. Everyone that knows music. And just because you listen to music doesn’t mean you ‘get’ music. You have to have grown up like I did – white, and in the suburbs – to really understand what all the musicians across the globe, in the past and present are doing. I get it because I listen. Someone that grew up in the inner-city of Chicago in the last 20 years doesn’t get it like I do. I’ll make my own list!”

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