NEW YORK, NY – A mixed group of Millennials and Gen-Xers were shocked this week to learn that MTV is still on the air and broadcasting new content.
“I’m not gonna lie, when I saw that MTV was still on cable television I… I just couldn’t believe it. Who even watches that stuff now?” said Jamal Kodush. “I Was totally like ‘what’s on it? Is it all just reruns of old ‘Real World’ episodes or something?’ No! They have new shows! I was all like ‘get outta here! Wow!’ Good for them… I guess? I mean it’s kinda like… why? Why is it still on and who the hell watches it?”
The group was gathered at a local bar as part of a team building event for a tech startup GrabberPants.
The bar hosting the event had several TVs and at one point one of the members of the group tried to change the television to a baseball game but inadvertently changed the TV to MTV.
“Someone asked if we could put on the Mets game and so I got the remote from the bartender and tried changing the channel but the remote was all weird and kinda sticky and wasn’t working that well, but I was able to get it to kinda work but as I started scrolling through channels it stopped on MTV and then I heard someone from the back shout ‘is that fucking MTV?’ and we all just kinda stopped what we were doing and collectively stared at the TV in disbelief,” said Krystel Webben. “We were all just kind of in shock. We all just got quiet for a few minutes, not knowing what to do or say. It was weird, to say the least.”
Although the crowd was surprised to see that MTV was still on the air, the fascination was short lived, and members of the group quickly demanded that the channel be changed to something different.
“For a hot minute I was all like ‘well fuck me silly with a pointy stick, MTV is still on the air,’ but I quickly remembered that channel is trash, so I yelled at someone to change it to the damned Mets game,” said Nev Patel. “I mean, the show that was on MTV was just four idiots wearing almost nothing talking about some idiotic shit, so you know, nothing’s changed there. Who is that for? Who watches MTV? Do you honestly know anyone that has watched MTV for even a second in the last 10 years? No, you don’t. No one does. It’s like one of those ghost ships out in the ocean that just keeps drifting with no crew and no purpose.”
An MTV spokesperson confirmed the channel is very much still relevant and that “like… tons” of people still watch the channel on a regular basis.
“Oh man, yeah, like… lots and lots of people watch MTV. All the time. Tons. We have to tell people to not watch it because… like, so many people are watching it and we don’t want to like… bring down cable TV and stuff,” said Head of Programming for MTV, Markus Weston. “Did you know that there is a thing called MTV, um, sickness? Yeah, it’s totally a thing. I think, it’s um, a thing that, um, happens? Like, when you watch something and it, um, yeah. So that’s a thing. Anyway, MTV is very popular still. All the kids love it.”