Local Man Unable to Help Girlfriend Enjoy Jazz

SEATTLE, WA – After months of trying, local Jazz enthusiast Dereck Shoemaker has been unable to convince his girlfriend that listening to jazz music is enjoyable.


God Releases Statement about Coronavirus


Local Woman Redecorates Room Before Video Call

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local woman, Jenny McDavid, has spent the last four hours rearranging her office to ensure attendees on a video conference think McDavid has her shit together.


No Matter What Local Woman Gets for Valentine's Day She Will Not Do the Thing Her Husband Wants Her to Do

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Local woman, Vanessa Perez, told friends that no matter what she gets for Valentine’s Day, she “won’t do that thing” her husband wants her to do.


Local Woman Just Not Up for 2020

KANSAS CITY, MO – Local woman Sandra Gow says that she isn’t sure she is “up for 2020.”


Newspaper's 800th Story Doesn't Live Up to Hype

PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 800th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.


Texan Testing Canadian's Patience

VANCOUVER, BC – A tourist from Texas is testing a Canadian waiter’s patience and politeness.


New Study by IT Employee Suggests Humans Should Only Work Two Hours a Day

MILWAUKEE, WI – A new study conducted by Jared Weisman, an IT employee at Modera Health Care Solutions, finds humans should only work two hours a day.


Person In Charge Of Road Trip Music Doing a Shitty Job

LITTLE ROCK, AR – Nearly all passengers in a minivan headed towards the Atlantic coast have complained about the music selections made during the road trip.


Christ Apologizes for Meek Inheriting Earth Tweet

WILMINGTON, NC – Jesus Christ has apologized for a controversial tweet he made last month after an intense online backlash.


Survey: Most Native American Art Made by White Men with Ponytails

SANTA FE, NM – A recent survey conducted by the University of New Mexico has discovered 75% of art labeled as “Native American Art” is made by white men with ponytails.


Coffee Shop Customer Sad to Learn Other Coffee Shop Customer is Not Gay

BEAVERTON, OR – A regular at JavaTown café was saddened to learn that another regular customer is not gay.


Smiley Face Used Insincerely in Email


New Book Reveals "Real" Rudolph the Reindeer

NORTH POLE – Authors of a new book about Rudolph the “red-nosed reindeer” promise to change the way the Christmas icon is remembered.


American’s Postpone Flu Shots as Excuse to Miss Thanksgiving

ATLANTA, GA – A large number of people are waiting to get a flu shot until after the Thanksgiving holiday in hopes that they will have an excuse to miss Thanksgiving dinner with their family.


Teppanyaki Chef Halfheartedly Performs for One

DALLAS, TX – A Teppanyaki chef at Texas Japan BBQ Emporium is struggling to perform while preparing food for a table of one.


Employees Agree HR Guy is Creepy

CHICAGO, IL – During a team building exercise it was discovered that almost every employee of Vrenti Solutions is creeped out by the Human Resources specialist Ben Skokli.


Dress Code Forces Man to Dress like an Adult

KANSAS CITY, KS – A newly implemented dress code has forced local developer Curt Dressop to dress like an adult.


Teen Still Waiting for a View on His Fornite Video

GOLDEN, CO – A local teen has been waiting for several hours for his YouTube post to register a view.


Edward R. Murrow School Renamed to BuzzFeed

SPOKANE, WA – Washington State University announced last week that it will be renaming the Edward R. Murrow College of Communication to BuzzFeed College of Clickbaiting.


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