MONTHLY SATIRICAL MAGAZINE
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Groupie Accidentally Sleeps With Bass Player
Published February 2009

LOUISVILLE, KY – The day after The Academy Is concert, Victoria Jorgensen, 22, was terrified to realize that she had accidentally slept with the band’s bass player – mistaking him for someone important in the band.
“I can’t believe how stupid I was,” said Jorgensen. “I mean, I went up to the guy and was like ‘are you in the band’ and he was all like, ‘yeah, I’m in the band’ so I did him. Then this morning I was telling my friends and I realized he was just the bass player. This happens to me all the time.”
Jorgensen plans to do more research before sleeping with another band member.
“This won’t happen again,” said Jorgensen. “If I’m going to sleep with someone, they’d better be important. I mean, I could find someone here in town as important as a bass player.”
Adam Siska, The Academy Is bass player, was unavailable for comment.


Comment

If it weren’t for dingbats like these, I’d never get laid.

Posted by: john classick · Apr 9, 08:02 AM · #

Unfortunately this may someday be someones wife & mother. No wonder people are screwed up!

Posted by: Gary Alan Adkins · Apr 15, 12:19 PM · #

Unfortunately this person may someday (if not already) be BOTH wife and mother to someone. And..social standards are not getting any higher or better…too bad she did not tape it and release the video, then she could potentially be considered a celebrity and instead of just a slut…can you say the “KY Khardasians”

Posted by: foster · Apr 17, 11:54 AM · #

Why do people take everything they read on the Internet as truth? The website clearly states that it’s satire yet at least two people here are gullible enough to believe this.

Posted by: Kevin · Apr 17, 03:35 PM · #

Everything the music can ever hope to become rests upon the foundation of groove laid down by the bass player. You don’t hear it, you feel it. How stupid of ME to sleep with a woman because I love her and it feels wonderful to be with her, even if she isn’t important to the rest of the world.My mistake here is that I’m being real in a forum that want outrageous fiction. I admit – I was entertained. Now, back to buzzkill land where I live…

Posted by: Claude · Apr 17, 09:29 PM · #

Adam Siska finally breaks his silence… lol

http://instagr.am/p/JjaoBrIVI7/

Posted by: Steven · Apr 18, 01:23 AM · #

Adam posted this on his twitter. I probably laughed my ass off. God, this lady is stupid. Sue me, but I completely believe Adam. HE DID NOT SLEEP WITH THIS CRAZY CHICK.

Posted by: Kay · Apr 18, 01:38 AM · #

Hehe. I thought this was funny. I’m glad Adam has a sense of humor about it. It’s always nice when my favorite bands don’t take them selves to seriously.

But this did remind me of my favorite kids in the hall episode where they make fun of the bass player.

Posted by: RayChell · Apr 18, 09:08 AM · #

I had this friend who once slept with this guy she thought was Snoop Dog. Turned out he wasn’t Snoop Dog. I’m not sure which is worse.

Posted by: Suzie · Apr 18, 07:52 PM · #

If you wave a ten dollar bill through a trailer park, you get this young lady

Posted by: Howard DeWitt · Apr 19, 10:01 AM · #

People. This is satire. SATIRE. That means that it’s NOT A REAL NEWS REPORT.

I can’t believe how ridiculously gullible some people are.

Posted by: Dwood · Apr 20, 07:25 AM · #

I appreciate satire and the amusement that the Internets provides. But I attest to that fact that THIS DOES HAPPEN. In fact it happened to me once. No, I didn’t accidentally sleep with the bass player. I was mistaken for one. I went down to Chicago to see a friend’s band play a gig in a BBQ place. It’s a paying gig, not like a dedicated audience so the place was kinda dead – only a dozen or so tables with people, but an upstairs had a private party (more on this later). It’s four guys: my friend the drummer, a guitarist, a bass player and a singer/harmonica player. The bass player is Japanese, the other guys white. This bass player, he’s got hair down to his shoulders and is like 5’7” tops. I’m Filipino, short hair and 5’11”. They take a break and I head to the bathroom and this blonde walks up to me and says “You guys are great!” confused I say thanks, then she takes my hand pulls me into the bathroom and we do it. She’s obviously drunk, but I don’t care and afterwards she joins the party upstairs who are apparently in town for a convention.

Posted by: Regi · Apr 20, 08:12 PM · #

it’s fake, people. Even if this does happen, this is fake. It makes me mourn for humanity that so many people believed this without actually seeing the word “SATIRE” on the top

Posted by: Katie · Apr 22, 12:16 PM · #

hahaha thats hilarious, at first i thought it was true but even knowing its not, its still hilarious and believable considering there are people out there like this.

Posted by: Holli · Apr 23, 10:02 PM · #

I don’t know what is funnier – the article or the people who feel the need to rant against other posters and tell them the article isn’t real. Here’s a clue angry people: the posts themselves are satire! Sheesh!

Posted by: Leroy · Jun 19, 04:05 AM · #

Like, last night in Little Rock it was purple haze i like did the whole band except da bass player… im smarter than the chick in the story

Posted by: sweet lorraine · Jul 2, 06:36 PM · #

I play bass, thankfully there are roofies and beer to ensure that I get some action.

Posted by: Flash Harry · Aug 28, 11:42 AM · #

Thats what she gets for being a slag. These girls are everything thats wrong with society, sleeping with someone just because they are in a band, no matter what the look like or who they are. Worst thing is, she’s probly got a boyfriend who had no idea what she’s really like.

Posted by: Dan · Sep 7, 07:10 AM · #

I wish my mom had read this a long time ago. She actually married a bass player when I was 13 which subsequently led to years of substance abuse and therapy for me. I also ended up going down the same fateful road much to my humiliation. Thankfully I didn’t make the mistake of getting married. Now I’m once again sleeping with a bass player but he’s also the lead singer and married so I’m not worried about it getting around. A word to the wise, educate your daughters while they can still be saved .

Posted by: Patty · Sep 22, 01:31 PM · #

How is it that SO many people think this story is REAL? That’s the lesson to be learned here; Don’t be so gullible!!!

Posted by: Angelo · Jan 29, 05:54 PM · #

Is it fake because it is published here?
Satire also means that the story is funny.
If it is fake and meant for amusement to belittle the bass player, where did the story originate from, this site?
Saw a clip on Facebook and found this page researching the claims in defense of bass players everywhere…

Posted by: Sobitthen · Feb 2, 11:43 PM · #

Sobitthen.

I’m a bass player and I don’t need you to defend me from anything. Especially this. I have a sense of humor and if someone is going to “defend” me then I would demand that they have one as well.

This is funny.

Posted by: Vega · Feb 3, 09:48 PM · #

Hilarious, I’m a Bass Player for over 20 Years and I love jokes and satire that have a poke at us. Here’s a few Jokes, I’m sure you’ve all seen most of them but here they are anyway:

The worlds greatest Jazz bassist and the worlds greatest Blues bassist meet for lunch. Who pays the tab ?
Neither, they don’t charge for the food at the soup kitchen.

What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a bassist?
The vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in to suck.

What does a bass player use as a contraceptive? His personality!

Why can’t bass players get through a door? He either can’t find the key, or he doesn’t know when to come in!

A boy came home from his first bass lesson. His dad asked him how it went. “Today we learned the E string.”
The boy came home from his second lesson and dad asked him how it went. “Today we learned the A string.”
The boy came home from his third lesson. Dad asked, “So did you learn the D string today?”
“Nope. Today I had a gig.”

Posted by: Peter · Jul 23, 02:02 AM · #

So this bass player walks into a store and gets a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter. The girl behind the register says “you must be a bass player” the bass player said “how did you know?” she said “because you’re so damned ugly.”

Posted by: Killah · Oct 19, 02:12 PM · #

I’m glad to be a bassist c:

Posted by: Joe Joe The Hobo · Oct 27, 01:45 PM · #

Did you hear about the bass player who was late for his gig?
Seems he locked his keys in his car and couldn’t get the drummer out…

Posted by: Tracy · Nov 4, 01:00 AM · #

- Hey, Paul McCartney, what do you think? I mean, like, do you think you are as important as someone from, like, Louisville, KY?

Posted by: Ola Bog · Mar 19, 03:41 AM · #

Smart bass players know this:
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/603915_454581574577208_1766784655_n.jpg

Posted by: Bass Player · May 17, 03:56 AM · #

Let’s see, there is: Gene Simmons, Les Claypool, Sting, Lemmy Kilmister, on and on. So I guess all these poor, nobody bass players is off her list. Bass players rock!

Posted by: Doug Williams · May 30, 10:49 AM · #

Did she say Bass Player or Bass Player ? Sounds fishy.

Posted by: Bubba · Jun 9, 08:08 AM · #

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