FAYETTEVILLE, AR – University of Arkansas English Professor Oliver Mueller has officially given up on correcting the English his student use in his classroom.
“I’m tired. So very tired,” said Mueller. “Kids today have no idea how to speak English in the correct manner. They use words like ‘irregardless’ and ‘literally’ incorrectly every class. I am literally tired of standing there and explaining how ‘LOL’ is not proper English and should not be used in a paper on the deconstruction of George Orwell’s class novel ‘1984.’ By the way, that was the correct use of the word ‘literally’ I used there. In case you don’t understand English either.”
Mueller says he will no longer correct students and will just let them do what ever they want since he has been unable to change the students language skills.
“Fuck it. Let them ‘LOLO’ all they want. I don’t give a shit anymore,” said Mueller. “The English Language is going to hell anyways. And let’s face it, this is Arkansas. The less they truly undertand how to use English the better off they’ll be. I wouldn’t want any of them to get run out of town because they know the difference between ‘they’re’ and ‘their.‘”