AUSTIN, TX – Summer will be extended three months and Winter will be phased out over the next couple years according to a recent announcement from Mother Nature.
Beginning next year, Summer will now last now begin in May and last until Thanksgiving.
“I have decided to extend the season of Summer by several months. Why? Because I like Summer and also I don’t need to explain myself to you assholes,” said Mother Nature in the announcement. “This has nothing to do with the heat though, that’s all you assholes.”
Mother Nature also said that Winter will be “phased out” and will removed as a season beginning in 2020.
“Winter is dumb. No one likes it except for 19-year-old pot heads that are too lazy to get real jobs so instead they ‘work’ at ski resorts teaching rich white kids how to snowboard. Everyone else hates Winter, including me, so I’m just gonna get rid of it.”