God Releases Statement about Coronavirus

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HEAVEN –God addressed questions and complaints about the current coronavirus pandemic by releasing a statement consisting of “Look, I warned you assholes to knock it off and you didn’t so… deal with it.”

It’s unclear what and who god was referring to in his statement but most theologians point to Tom Hanks as the likely audience.

“If (god) wasn’t talking about one of the other religions then he was definitely talking about Tom Hanks,” said University of Notre Dame Chairman of Christian Learning, Steven Clarke. “He definitely wasn’t talking about Christians. And Tom Hanks was the first person to get the coronavirus so it’s obvious that god was talking to Tom Hanks. He loves us Christians and we are doing everything 100% ok.”

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