Experts Offer Up Ten Ways to be a Happier Person

DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.


Local Bag Boy is a Total Rebel, Doesn’t Care about Anything

BOISE, ID – A bag boy at a local Fred Myers grocery store stated that he is a “rebel” and he doesn’t “care about nothing, especially work.”


Black Man in TV Commercial Results in 270 Calls to 911

NASHVILLE, TN – The appearance of a black man in a television commercial frightened white viewers and resulted in more than 270 calls to police.


Anderson Cooper 360 Host, Panelists Stuck in Infinite Loop

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Panelists and the host of Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN are stuck in an infinite loop as show producers scramble to get the program back on track.


Americans Moving to Areas Likely Targeted During Nuclear War

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – According to recent census data, Americans are flocking to large cities, specifically ones that are likely targets during a nuclear attack.

“Since the 2016 election, we’ve seen a sharp increase in people moving to cities that would be targeted first in a nuclear attack,” said U.S. Census Bureau representative, Kelly Zhou. “Cities like Los Angeles, New York, Washington D.C., Seattle – those cities are seeing a huge influx of people hoping to die right away when we end up in a nuclear war.”


This Million Dollar Baby Fan Theory Changes Everything

LOS ANGELES, CA – The internet is abuzz with a new fan theory that will change the way you see the classic film Million Dollar Baby.


Man Sues for Invitation to 12-Year-Old Girl’s Sleepover

OMAHA, NB – Local man Dean Waters, 27, is suing 10-year-old Lara Schriber for gender discrimination because Waters was not invited to Schriber’s “girls only” sleepover.


Experts Offer Ten Ideas for the Perfect Valentine’s Day

DALLAS, TX – The Valentine’s Day holiday can cause panic and anxiety for those looking for something original, exciting and romantic to do with their loved one.


God Apologizes for High Number of Male Creeps

HEAVEN – In a statement to the human race, god apologized for an error in his creation model that generated a higher percentage of male creeps than god had intended.


Grandma Still Perfecting Thanksgiving Facebook Post

SCHAUMBURG, IL – Local grandmother has been sitting at her computer for several hours trying to generate a Thanksgiving inspired Facebook post.


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