

FDA Adds New “Fewd” Category for Taco Bell Menu Items
Published April 2022WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Food and Drug Administration announced this week that it has created a new product category, “fewd,” to describe items found on Taco Bell’s menu.

Tucker Carlson Suggests Drinking Bull Semen to Increase Testosterone
Published May 2022NEW YORK, NY – To combat falling testosterone levels in American, white males, Fox News personality Tucker Carlson recommends drinking bull semen.

Lifting Mask Mandates Makes It Difficult to Identify Jerks
Published March 2022DENVER, CO – As mask mandates across the country are lifted, many Americans are finding it more difficult to identify jerks.

New Poll Finds Majority of Americans Just Can't Anymore
Published January 2022WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a recent poll, the number of Americans that just can’t anymore is at an all-time high.

Santa Claus Will Not Accept Lists Containing Ivermectin
Published December 2021NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.

NFL Launches “Don’t Be a Pussy” Men’s Mental Health Campaign
Published October 2021NEW YORK, NY – The National Football League has launched a new campaign called “Don’t Be a Pussy” aimed at promoting good mental health among men.

Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has Failed
Published August 2021NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.

Adult Stores Struggle with Inventories as Social Distancing Eases
Published May 2021SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Adult stores across the country are dealing with inventory issues as Americans become vaccinated against COVID-19 and the need for social distancing is rapidly decreasing.

U.S. Sets New Record of COVID Deniers Contracting COVID
Published April 2021WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States of America set a new COVID record as the number of people who claimed the pandemic was a hoax only to then get infected by COVID rose to over two million.

Restaurants to Server Half Eaten Meals to Children
Published February 2021LOS ANGELES, CA – Beginning this month, several prominent restaurant chains will begin serving children meals that come half-eaten.
