Jordan Skjik has spent the last several hours trying to explain to his friend why vinyl records sound better than streaming music.

Local Man Struggling to Explain Why Vinyl Records are Better Than Digital Music

OMAHA, NB – A local man has spent the last several hours trying, with limited success, to explain to his friend why listening to music on a vinyl record is better than streaming online.


Coffee Shop Customer Sad to Learn Other Coffee Shop Customer is Not Gay

BEAVERTON, OR – A regular at JavaTown café was saddened to learn that another regular customer is not gay.


Local Barista has Finished His Film Script

KIRKLAND, WA – A local barista informed customers and coworkers that he has almost completed his film script.


Anderson Cooper 360 Host, Panelists Stuck in Infinite Loop

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Panelists and the host of Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN are stuck in an infinite loop as show producers scramble to get the program back on track.


Newspaper's 700th Story Doesn't Live Up to Hype

PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 700th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.


Starbucks is introducing new dick flavored coffee drinks.

Starbucks Unveils Dick Flavored Coffee Drinks

SEATTLE, WA – Starbucks will be expanding its menu next month, rolling out new dick flavored coffee drinks to stores across the country.
“When looking for a new flavor we asked ourselves ‘what do people, at least most people, like?’ the answer was obvious; dick,” said Starbucks Flavor Engineer, Kylie Kearns. “And the love of dick is worldwide. Almost every single woman has had a dick in their mouth at some point."

The Scoop News' Top Ten Places to Live

NEW YORK, NY – There is a new city at the top of this year’s The Scoop News’ semi-annual list of best places to live although it may not come as a surprise to the people who live there.


Women Panic as Starbucks Pulls Pumpkin Spice Latte

SEATTLE, WA – White women across the country are in a state of panic as Starbucks has announced they will be discontinuing the popular Pumpkin Spice Latte, just weeks before the drink was to go on sale.


Group Wants Parents to Stop Encouraging Kids

MOBILE, AL – In an effort to ensure kids grow up to become successful and that comedy remains funny, parents have been asked to stop telling their children that they are funny.

During a conference aimed at reducing the amount of unfunny and unsuccessful teenagers, the American Society for Child Development, the Comedy Writers Guild of America and the American Association of Psychologists agreed children should not be told they are funny by their parents.


Anti-iPhone Sentiment Prematurely Ends Relationship

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The budding romantic relationship between Eddie Freirs and Rebecca Staller ended abruptly last week after Staller revealed her feelings about the iPhone.


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