Adult Stores Struggle with Inventories as Social Distancing Eases

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Adult stores across the country are dealing with inventory issues as Americans become vaccinated against COVID-19 and the need for social distancing is rapidly decreasing.


Pfizer has developed a new Valentine's Day double-sided syringe for the COVID-19 vaccine.

Pfizer Releases Double-sided Valentine's Day COVID Vaccine

NEW YORK, NY – In advance of Valentine’s Day, Pfizer has released a new double-sided COVID-19 vaccination needle that will allow a couple to vaccinate each other at the same time.


Pornhub will soon only feature videos of interracial couples on the popular pornography website.

To Help Fight Racism Pornhub Will Soon Only Offer Interracial Videos on Site

NEW YORK, NY – Pornography website Pornhub has pledged to help fight racism by only offering interracial content.


Beth Sinclair: COVID-19 Thanksgiving Tips

Hello, hello, HELLOOOOOOOO! Oh. My. GOD. It has been forever! It is I, your bestest friend in all of the deep, dark web – Beth Sinclair!


Google will soon release Google Throb cock ring.

Google Set to Release New Cock Ring: Google ThrOb

MENLO PARK, CA – Just a few short weeks after expanding the test field for its highly anticipated GoogleGlass, Google released details of its next big innovation – the upcoming cock ring including details, price and sale date.


The NFL is making changes to its rule book to help fans and players deal with an openly gay player.

Openly Gay Player Spurs NFL to Adopt New Rules

NEW YORK, NY – The NFL is adopting new rules and working with the NFL Players Association to help players adapt to having an openly gay teammate.

“Our main focus is to make sure everyone is comfortable as we welcome the first openly gay player,” said Eric Winston, President of the NFLPA. “And by ‘everyone’ we mean fans, players, advertisers, coaches, even the cheerleaders. Because, let’s face it, there are some real pieces of shit that play and watch football.”


Roman God of Wealth Eyeing GOP Nomination

WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the Republicans begins picking their Presidential candidate, one person is very rapidly becoming the front-runner: the Roman god of wealth.


Valentine's Day Gift Causes Reevaluation of Relationship

WATSONS GLENN, VA – A Valentine’s Day gift given to Jessica Berg by her boyfriend Adam Benjamin has forced Berg to reevaluate the couple’s relationship. The gift, edible panties, is regarded by Berg as “fuckin’ bullshit.”


Beth Sinclair: 2004 Oscar Preview

Hello kiddies, it is I, your confidant in entertainment, Beth. Oh what a strange and magical journey it has been this past year. I feel in love, fell out of love, got herpes – again, and lost 97 pounds. But most of all I saw movies. Lots of movies and some of them weren’t even porn! I laughed, I cried and that was just during the beginning of “The Rundown.” God that Rock is one hot piece of ass. I can tell you that he can “Rock Bottom” me anytime he wants!


Subway Sandwich Artist Aspires To Be Real Artist

JOPLIN, MO – Like most aspiring artists, Ben Candrel simply wants to be recognized and appreciated for his work, his creations. Between the hours of 11 AM and 7 PM, Candrel is a Subway Sandwich artist and according to his boss Jake Birch, the best sandwich artist “this side of the Mississip’.”


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