Florida Changing State Motto to "White Place, White Time"Published February 2023
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has announced a change to Florida’s state motto. As of March 1, 2023, the new Florida state motto will be “White Place, White Time.”
God Apologizes for Leaving His Kids in Charge Last Seven YearsPublished March 2022
HEAVEN – After returning from vacation and seeing the state of Earth, God has promised to never again put his kids in charge while he is away.
New Poll Finds Majority of Americans Just Can't AnymorePublished January 2022
WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a recent poll, the number of Americans that just can’t anymore is at an all-time high.
Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has FailedPublished August 2021
NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.
Qanon Revealed to be Mountain Dew Marketing CampaignPublished October 2020
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.
New Planet Discovered that Humans Could Totally RuinPublished August 2020
HILO, HI – Astronomers at the W. M. Keck Observatory have discovered a planet capable of supporting life orbiting a nearby star that humans could “definitely ruin.”
Christ Apologizes for Meek Inheriting Earth TweetPublished April 2019
WILMINGTON, NC – Jesus Christ has apologized for a controversial tweet he made last month after an intense online backlash.
House Cats Have Begun Stealing Human SoulsPublished August 2017
BOSTON, MA – House cats have begun stealing human souls as part of the final phase of their plan to conquer Earth.
Jennifer Lawrence Asks to be Removed from Bucket ListsPublished June 2017
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Actress Jennifer Lawrence has asked every male on the planet Earth to remove her name from their individual bucket lists.
Magazine Releases Top 10 “Things to do Before You Die”Published September 2015
NEW YORK, NY – As the world becomes more dangerous, a growing trend is creating a list of “must do”s to be completed before one dies – commonly known as a “bucket list.”