Experts Offer Up Ten Ways to be a Happier PersonPublished September 2018
DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.
Magazine Releases Top 10 “Things to do Before You Die”Published September 2015
NEW YORK, NY – As the world becomes more dangerous, a growing trend is creating a list of “must do”s to be completed before one dies – commonly known as a “bucket list.”
Rich, White Men Sick of Being Outed as RacistsPublished June 2014
LOS ANGELES, CA –Rich, white men from across the country say they are getting sick and tired of being exposed as racists.
“I’m sick and damn tired of people finding out that I’m a racist! I can’t even use the ‘N’ word in the privacy of my own house anymore,” said millionaire Roderick Bennington. “What good is having all of this money if you can’t undermine and subjugate those you perceive as being less than you?”
Hijacked Ship off Somalia Coast Causes International IncidentPublished May 2011
MOGADISHU, SOMALIA – The hijacking of a ship containing 23 goats, three Michael Jackson look-a-likes, 107 boxes of “Dancing With The Stars” DVDs and a British Couple has caused an international incident.
New Abstinence Program Becoming Popular Among Teens, ParentsPublished February 2009
CHARLSETON, NC – All over the country, many schools and parent groups are turning to a new form of sex education called Abstinence in Hand. The program, which was developed by a Parent Teacher Organization group in Cleveland, Ohio stresses that the only way for a teenager to become fully abstinent is to masturbate at least five times a day.
Animal Rights Group Protests Violence in Looney TunesPublished May 2008
LOS ANGELES, CA – An animal rights group has begun protesting outside of Warner Brothers Studios demanding the immediate stop of all animal cruelty in its productions, including the popular Looney Tunes cartoons.
New Penis Implants Act as TV, Computer Remote ControlPublished April 2008
TOKYO, JAPAN – A Japanese electronics firm, Nagisariko, has created the first penis implants that will allow men to control movie clips, either on a computer or DVD, while they masturbate.
Wynn Adding Giant Masturbation Coliseum to Las Vegas ResortPublished February 2008
LAS VEGAS, NV – Resort developer Steve Wynn is planning a new feature to add to his Wynn Las Vegas Resort and Country Club that he is describing as “the first of its kind.” The feature, currently dubbed “The Spankdome,” will be a giant coliseum where entrants will be allowed to masturbate freely anywhere in the building.
Sexual Harrassment Presentation Marred By Giggles, WhispersPublished May 2007
DES MOINES, IA – A Human Resources’ presentation on sexual harassment in the workplace was marred by giggles and whispers late last week forcing presenters and officials to stop the meeting several times. The interruptions did not subside until the meeting concluded.
Local Man's Absence From Work Sets New Speculation RecordPublished October 2005
CLEVELAND, OH – Only a few seconds after he called in sick to work, co-workers of Carl Mayer set a new world record for speculation on Tuesday. Mayer, who claimed to have a sore throat and fever called in to his office at 7:37:24, and by 7:37:27 rumors were already running rampant about the true cause of his absence.