Social Media Companies to Allow Users to Opt-Out of Becoming Racist

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.


A The Rock from the future appeared in Times Square to warn the people of earth about the horrors of the year 2020.

Future Version of The Rock Appears to Warn World of 2020

NEW YORK, NY – A time-traveling The Rock, whose real name is Dwayne Johnson, appeared in Times Square earlier this week to warn the world about the year 2020.


Qanon Revealed to be Mountain Dew Marketing Campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.


Lisa Huller is considering several different excuses for not voting for Biden.

White, Suburban Woman Still Considering Excuses to Not Vote for Biden

LANSING, MI – Local white, suburban, mother, Lisa Huller, is still considering several different excuses to not vote for the Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden.


New police uniforms approved by the National Police Union will be white robes and include a new masked, pointed helmet.

National Police Union Unveils New White Robe Uniforms for Police Officers

WASHINGTON, D.C. –The National Police Union has approved new white, robe-like police uniforms that will demonstrate a “commitment to peace and harmony”.


Avon will be releasing a new face cream called Crem De La BlaqueFace that the company says will moisturize and protect the face and it's not racist.

Avon Releasing New BlaqueFace Face Cream

LONDON, ENGLAND – Avon Products will be launching a new line of daily use face creams, called Crem De La BlaqueFace next month.


President Donald Trump required assistance after he stuck his tongue to a frozen metal pole in the White House rose garden.

Trump Gets Tongue Stuck to Frozen Metal Pole

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump required assistance this week after getting his tongue stuck to a metal pole in the White House rose garden.


Poor Rating May Force Networks to Cancel The Donald Trump Presidency

WASHINGTON, D.C. – If ratings don’t improve network executives say they may be forced to cancel The Donald Trump Presidency.


Trump Approves New War on Christmas Monument

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has approved the commission and construction of a new national monument to honor the lives lost in the War on Christmas.


American’s Postpone Flu Shots as Excuse to Miss Thanksgiving

ATLANTA, GA – A large number of people are waiting to get a flu shot until after the Thanksgiving holiday in hopes that they will have an excuse to miss Thanksgiving dinner with their family.


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